Appreciation

For a while, I struggled with what the topic of my first entry should be. I wanted it to be special. This week, the topic came to me via my online friends. Funny how that works, isn’t it?

As a geek, I try to do things to the best of my ability. Before I make a commitment, I ask myself should I “really” do this? Will I be successful doing this? Am I the appropriate person to do this? Will I give this my all (if not, I shouldn’t do it)? Does it fit in with my long-term goals? I ask these types of questions about most long-term commitments, even relationships. If I am interested in a person as I get to know him instead of asking myself how happy he’ll make me, first I ask myself if I can make him happy? If the answer is no, then it doesn’t really matter how happy he makes me, does it? I am not the type of person that will date someone I know will not last long-term, especially when I know they have higher expectations than I do. As a geek, I try to excel and improve in life.

Want vs. Need vs. Appreciation

This week, I had several conversations that really made me feel appreciated for efforts I exerted in the past. I was surprised because I felt like I was unappreciated for so long. There is a difference between wanting something, needing something, and appreciating what you already have. To a degree, we all do this in some form. However, if we continually do it with people, we end up pushing away people of value that genuinely care about us. Isn’t that why people leave jobs, relationships, friendships? The person doesn’t feel they are valued, appreciated, loved, etc. Eventually, the person will say, “enough is enough” and walk away, hopefully to greener pastures, which is what I did.

I was rather shocked this week when I found people appreciated the effort I put in. These people said they thought I’d always be there and they were shocked when they found out I wasn’t. I was the person they came to and I vanished. At first, they were irked but after discussing it, both sides (with valid points) became clear. I understood their point and they sympathized with mine. It was humbling to be described as a ladder they felt was yanked out from underneath them.

Don’t get me wrong…

I’m sure amongst some the standing joke is “What did Tyme do? Nothing!” and I have two words for them: Fuck You.

Examples of false appreciation
  • You have a job. You receive a regular paycheck. You appreciate having a job…but how much do you really appreciate it? Are you being appreciative when you arrive late all the time? When you slack off at work? Lie to avoid going to work?
  • You have a loving spouse and you love your spouse. Yet, you lie to your spouse all the time. You’ve cheated on your spouse. Do you really appreciate having that particular loving person in your life?
  • You finally get a car. You swore, when you got a car, life would change. You’d take care of the car, be a more responsible person, improve your life, etc. When you got the car, you didn’t take care of it, life did not change, and you’re still irresponsible. Did you really appreciate having the car?

Rise like a phoenix…

Unexpectedly, I received the boost I needed to start my new project. Almost like a sign from God to proceed. I’m excited because it excites me to watch a community slowly grow and evolve. I look forward to going back to having fun without all the drama and clashing egos. I laugh a lot in my personal life because I’m enjoying life. I like to do that with my online communities as well. Let the fun begin…because I’m not your average geek.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I’ve got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame
I rise
Up from a past that’s rooted in pain
I rise
I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise ~ Maya Angelou