It’s funny…I’m often told how strong I am, but it is times like this when I am quite weak. My cousin is in town, literally right around the corner from me, and I can’t see her (without risking jeopardizing my recuperation progress).
I’m not one to cry but in my room, alone, the tears started for fall, silently because I didn’t want the kids to hear. It’s painful. While I seem strong and disciplined, it’s hard sometimes. I had my eyes closed and I felt arms around me. My eyes were still closed but I heard the kids say, “We sensed your pain”. That is how close we are. As I wiped my eyes, saying I was okay, I looked around and I noticed the cats creep in and sit down. Daichi jumped in my lap, wide eyed. I smiled, looking at my kids and my pets (which are like family)…my house is filled with love and it’s moments like this when you can truly feel it.
I practice what I preach. The people that truly care about you do not put you at risk. That is what makes my cousin an angel. When she first mentioned visiting weeks ago, I told her I wouldn’t be able to see her and she encouraged me to follow what my doctor said, it’s no problem, no pressure. She shared with me, from her own experiences, how she realized it would be awkward for the kids to meet her without me. She understood and if you’ve ever struggled, you know the value in someone simply understanding. My reward for behaving? An opportunity came up for us to go to Florida next year and ironically, where I’m going is 20 minutes from my cousin’s house. I’m so excited – but that is an example of how things naturally come together. You can get what you want, but you may not get it when you want it.
Everyone has struggles and many suffer silently, just as I normally do. I’m making this post to say: you’re not alone. The Powers That Be will give you the things and people you need to achieve the successes you want, but you have to have your mind right, remain focused and surround yourself with the right people. Don’t let the wrong people distract you.
No matter what your struggle is, believe in yourself. Love yourself enough to realize that the bigger picture is more important. Once you do that, the weakness goes *poof* and is replaced with strength you didn’t know you had.
Tara R.: Thank you for being amazing and I look forward to seeing you next year!
Tara T.: Thank you so much for being supportive and giving me a puzzle. You have no idea how on time that was.
Vivian: Thank you for saying, without realizing it, exactly what I needed to give me strength. I’m not ready for anyone to attend my funeral. Pneumonia can be deadly and our family has a history of it, unfortunately.
To my friends/fans/viewers (I’d have a bigger book here if I listed everyone): Thank you for being patient with me. I learned my lesson. And I kept my word…I removed crazy from my life and I haven’t looked back.