Out with the old…in with the new

It’s that time of year! New Year’s is a time when people make promises they usually don’t keep. They mean well, but the promise aren’t kept because it is so easy to hold on to the old habits.

My changes started in 2008. I realized there were things I needed to improve upon and I started right then…not the overplayed starting date of January 1st. I have no idea when the starting date was because that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I make the changes I need to make. That I feel I need to make. And I’ve been doing that.

And they aren’t the traditional choices. The “safe” choices. Sometimes I receive flack about my choices but I know if I don’t follow my heart, I’ll be the one that has to live with the regrets. I’ll be the one to have to live with the “what ifs”. I’m the one that will have to put the pieces together. I prefer to try and not succeed than live someone else’s life or live by someone else’s expectations.

I took some “me” time because I needed it after the personal roller coaster ride, my family and things I have been through the past two years. I decided definitively what I wanted to “do” professionally and how I was going to go about it. I visited a couple of cities to see what features I want in the place I wish to reside. There are a lot of other personal goals I’ve been knocking out like not letting laundry pile up and loosening the reigns a bit with my kids as they are getting older. One day I’ll conquer the “do not let snail mail stack up” goal. One day.

Slowly, on whatever date I started, I began to reclaim my life back. I’m no longer the woman that didn’t know if she was going to make it. The woman that couldn’t go out where she wanted because she’d cough her brains out. The woman that was afraid all the time but couldn’t let it show. The woman that was planning a funeral every couple of months. That’s one of the reasons why I removed the visibility of the older entries on my sites. I do not think they properly represent me as I am today. The feelings are legit but the tone is off.

The problem with change is that it may take a while for people in your life to accept the change that has occurred. I’m finding that even though admittedly I’ve made changes, they are dismissed. This is very frustrating because I’m not being seen for “me” yet I understand their position. Why is today different from any other day?

And that is why I say actions speak louder than words. When the change in action(s) consistently back up the words then by golly change has begun.

But it is up to you to open your eyes to see it.