TalkTyme: You’ve found “The One”. Ooops. Maybe not…

In the beginning…

It is hard to believe but most people you encounter are not meant to stay in your life. Unfortunately, determining who those people are can be tough. You know what I mean, right? You meet someone, the two of you seem to hit it off. Initially, it seems like you have everything (ok, enough) in common. You want to talk to the person all the time, the sex might be spectacular, you are happy when you are around this person…all is great right? Next thing you know instead of the passionate sex you once had the two of you lie in bed with a football field between you. What happened?

It was an illusion.

Filling the void…

Most people, whether they want to admit it or not, want someone special in their lives. One person to depend on, share things with, can let their guard down in front of…it’s a wonderful feeling having that type of person in your life. Someone that loves you for you including the good, the bad and everything in between.

It is also scary to be vulnerable to someone else. To achieve the nirvana above one has to open themselves up, take the armor off…wear their heart on their sleeve (for lack of another expression). In that vulnerable state, like a turtle without its shell, when the person you opened yourself up to hurts you, it is extremely painful. The problem: people tend to skip to that level much too soon, almost guaranteeing pain and failure in the relationship. Why? Because you’ve opened yourself up to someone you don’t really know to fill the void of that missing person in your life (or worse, using a person as an escape from your life not going the way you would like).

What’s the rush?

I’m not saying the relationship should proceed at a snail’s pace but honestly, you can’t love someone you don’t know. When love is real, there is no rush. Things naturally progress. Of course, there will be problems, but the two of you will jointly work through them. There will be pain but when the person you love knows of your pain, he or she will do everything in their power to fix it. That is how you know it is real and that is how relationships last long-term. Both people make each other the priority. When couples don’t make each other the priority, the foundation of the relationship collapses.

Great sex and laughs can’t fix that.

The One is….

  • The one you will get rid of all your friends with benefits, flirts, crushes, etc. for. Right NOW, this moment.
  • The one you can be intimate with, without having sex.
  • The one you’re willing to put a ring on their finger – right now.
  • The one you would give your last money to – right now.
  • The one is the person you put before yourself.
  • The one that will not purposely hurt, disrespect or break your trust.
  • The one you will not lie to, cheat on, disrespect and put others before.
  • The one you are willing to sacrifice for.
  • The one that will always be there for you (because you aren’t taking advantage of their affections).
  • Most important – The One is the person you love as is right now. No changes necessary.

Obviously there is more to love than this, but the traits above are minimum necessary traits for The One to have. No matter how nice, sweet, sexy, etc. a person is, if he or she has traits that are not compatible with you, instead of hurting the person by cheating, lying, breaking their trust, etc., do the right thing.
Let them go.