The best friend dilemma

I had a recent conversation about someone of the opposite sex being your best friend and how that relationship can cause trouble for a romantic relationship. At one time I believed this shouldn’t be a problem in a healthy relationship. Now, I have different views on the topic. In the past I wasn’t neutral on the topic because I had males that played dominate roles in my life that weren’t my romantic partner.

I am at a stage in my life where, for the first time I can remember, I do not have the desire to confide in anyone other than the man I’m dating. My best friend is a female but I don’t feel the need to discuss issues with her “first”. I don’t have emotional baggage from the past present in the current and the future. I am cordial with my exes, I am good friends with one of them but I have no desire to share things with him over and above the man I’m dating.

Being in this new position I realized that people focus on the threat of the bond the person holds with someone of the opposite sex as being the main concern (and I admit it is a sign of a problem). Looking at it realistically, if you are in a relationship with someone (or trying to be) anyone who comes over and above you is a problem, regardless of gender. Let’s look at this a minute:

  • Girl has a problem with what her boyfriend is doing. She discusses the problem with her girlfriend first.
  • The guy that feels the need to impress his friends and acts like a single man when his heart is that of an unavailable man.
  • Girl/Guy realizes she/he has feelings for someone else and talks to “the friend” before the person she/he is involved with.
  • “The friend” is not a neutral person because he/she is jealous of the girl/boyfriend.
  • “The friend” is viewed as a bad influence because of personality changes that happen when the boy/girlfriend is around that person.

Those situations can cause more havoc in a relationship than the best friend being the opposite sex. Why? Because you don’t see the problems until it is too late. When the best friend is the opposite sex your guard is up from the beginning. I realize there will be times when a person will need to confide in someone other than their significant other but it shouldn’t be the default. There shouldn’t be conversations behind their back he/she never knows about.

The person you opt to become involved with is the one you should be able to talk to about anything. Sure, people have tempers but you shouldn’t be afraid to discuss what is on your mind. The person you are giving one of the most precious things you have, your heart, should welcome your thoughts and share theirs in return. When you have that type of connection the “need” to mentally connect with someone else will fade.

What do you guys think about the best friend? Does it bother you if the best friend is the opposite sex? Or does anyone who “rates” above you bother you?