The Inevitable

I was talking to my friend Yo earlier and we ended up evaluating our lives. The holidays can bring that on – reflecting on what actually happened, what will happen and what we hope will happen. The conversation led to her and her significant other and I asked her (for the millionth time…like the answer is going to change) how she knew he was The One? This time she gave the same answer with a twist. On the laptop she looked up lyrics to a song by Brandy called Long Distance. Here is the video if you want to see it. Anyway, she read this part:

Now the minutes feel like hours
and the hours feel like days
While I’m away
You know right now I can’t be home
But I’m coming home soon
Coming home soon..
All I have is this picture in a frame
That I hold close to see your face everyday.

With you is where I’d rather be
But we’re stuck where we are
It’s so hard, you’re so far
This long distance is killing me
I wish that you were here with me
But we’re stuck where we are
It’s so hard, you’re so far

She got a taste of what life would be without him when they were both away at college. She could only endure being apart from him because she knew at the end she would be with him. Six years, mostly apart while at college, was worth enduring than a forever without each other. Angels they weren’t in college but in the end, they knew they had each other.

I smile every time she tells this story because I remember how it REALLY happened. Oh it is true, they realized being without each other made for a miserable living experience. However, what she leaves out when she tells this story is the denial they were both in. And how they tried to walk away from each other. And how they frustrated and hurt each other (and drove me nuts – just sayin’) until they succumbed to the inevitable. Because they weren’t what each other would pick in a mate. Ain’t that a bitch?

But it also makes their story so much more beautiful.

So I took her back to the time when, going to college first, he tried to end their relationship. Problem was, no matter who he dated when I talked to him, “How’s Yo doing? Is she seeing anyone?” because he couldn’t let go. Mad that he rejected her, she attempted to see her own fellas and that laughingly failed. She hates that part of the story and always tries to make me shut up. I asked her why, because after all this time, it’s comical (yet beautiful) looking back. It’s what made them “them”. She said it is scary looking in the mirror and realize you need another person in your life that much. How they both did extremely odd, unexplainable, inexcusable (continue to add words here) things when they were mentally separated (not in sync with the idea of being together). Stronger together (mentally because they can endure distance when necessary), weaker apart. Dependency is scary especially when she’s an adult (ie: not supposed to be dependent on anyone).

Tonight, out of all the times I pondered when you know you’re “really” in love or if you really love someone (on the road to something deeper) something clicked. It doesn’t mean I won’t ponder the question again but I have a truer understanding of the love concept. When that person enters your life it isn’t about the mushy puppy love “I can’t live without you” feeling that love generally represents. The mental state of “togetherness” outweighs the physical state of “togetherness”. No matter how many problems, how much distance, how frustrating things become when you’re mentally connected it’s a state of oneness. And you can tell, it’s obvious, because two people who should be together because they’re mentally connected but aren’t like bodies walking around without brains. Looking back I remember their late night phone calls, tears, pain, frustration, confusion yet hearing each others voices would make them temporarily forget whatever silliness they were doing apart from each other.

I wrote about connections before and believe me I understand the principle. What I didn’t understand (truly) is why people fought the inevitable.