I’m not a fan of Cribs but I recorded Perez Hilton’s episode out of curiosity. Omarion and TJ Houshmandzadeh were also in the episode. I watched the show with my friends. It was clear after watching TJ Houshmandzadeh’s part how men and women speak in different languages. Everything was cool with Perez’s and Omarion’s but TJ’s drew a completely different response from the men vs. the women.
The men watched TJ’s part and thought about football, the house, the money, the basketball court, etc. The women were clearly thinking, “I wish I had a guy like that” or “why aren’t you like that?”. Both were thinking about security to a degree but two different forms. The guys felt that if they had the money TJ did the women would be happy. The women were saying the money could be there but if the same behaviors resided it would probably make things worse. Emotional security is more important to them than financial security. Honestly, without emotional security money will make problems worse.
Looking at the episode I saw a man that obviously loves his wife and children very much. So much he couldn’t stop talking about them and their personalities were integrated in their home. There isn’t a gray area on his feelings for his wife – his actions match his words. His wife, without a doubt, knows how much he loves her. That is what most women want, they want that type of emotional security. When that type of security is in place their insecurities subside. Wanna watch porn? Sure, I know he loves me. He has female friends? Fine, because he’ll make it clear to them he loves me and keeps it platonic. Traveling? Ok, I know he won’t cheat because our family is too important to him. Going to the club? Sure, he’ll tell the other chicks to step if they do or say something inappropriate.
See, women typically fall in love and become highly vested. The other men get the boot or are told the score, she will pick spending time with her man over others (not necessarily agreeing with this one – that can lead to clingy), won’t cheat, etc. That is why many relationships don’t work out because the two people are on different planes. If there is a need to keep another woman as a backup how can a guy expect the woman he claims to love to trust him? But that is what happens isn’t it? One of the ladies who watched the show went off on her boyfriend because he said he loved her but couldn’t tell a female “friend” of his feelings for her. Um, why not? That’s a problem.
A problem that money would only make worse.
Let’s be clear – everyone has shit in their lives. Things they aren’t proud off, things they need to straighten out, etc. The point in a couple moving forward together is that they can accept each other’s shit and move past it. That’s the difference between someone being there for a season and someone there for a lifetime. Sure, there might be a period of anger that might last a day or two but the point is: the person isn’t going anywhere.
I was having a conversation with someone about the episode and the person basically said that money means more and accepting less is a downgrade. For me, I’d be “downgrading” money and upgrading emotional stability. Money didn’t keep my parents together, their parents, none of the people I know that have money but it sure as hell caused them a ton of problems – because the stability wasn’t there in the first place.
For me, I always wanted the money to come AFTER the marriage. I’ve said it many times that I want to build something WITH my future husband so that together, we can look back on what we have (created together) and be proud of what we accomplished. A healthy and happy family outweighs bling to me. Being secure emotionally means 1000x more than bling. I want to go through the struggles with the man I love – it’s a part of life. Unfortunately, most men (let’s be honest, I haven’t met one that didn’t think this yet) think I want to skip past that part to the money, being rich and doing whatever I want.
But I grew up with wealth and I know money can create more problems than it resolves.