I was talking with someone about self-inflicted pain…things people do to themselves that stop them from moving forward in a direction they want to move. Watching Scrubs I thought about our conversation and a situation where I feel partially responsible for nixing something very important to me and it showed I didn’t have a wealthy frame of mind.
I met a man that, even though we were different, we were very compatible. At times it was like we were in perfect sync. There was a problem: although we could talk about anything we didn’t communicate about the right things. Like how to get from point A to B together and not separately. There were so many conversations we should have had and didn’t (yes, I know the burden shouldn’t have been on me solely to start the conversation)…and part of that is because I couldn’t let the words escape from my mouth. Because it was all or nothing and the thought of nothing scared the hell out of me…because I was living in close to nothing as it was. The truth? The past year and 1/2 had more of an impact on me that I ever let on. It was easier to let everyone think I was okay when I was dying on the inside. So many things were ripped away from me but the hardest part was being tied to something I couldn’t control. All the hard work in the world wasn’t going to make my body heal any faster or take away the feeling that, while going through all that and not being anywhere near as strong/independent as I normally am, I was pulling him down into nothing too.
Instead, I “showed” how I felt through my actions and in that area I excelled. But the problem is that the actions didn’t do anything to prompt those conversation we should have had but never happened. I watched things slip away and although I tried to repair it, and eventually said those words, I never could. Too much time went by I guess. I’m really not sure. I should know but I’m at a loss for words. One of those conversations that was never had.
And I soooo never talked about that before…not even with him.
My point is that risk is a part of life. The things/people most valuable to us are the ones that have the most risk involved. If you can’t take the risk (say those words) you end up being stuck in a rut. Moving forward involves risk. To create success and maintain it, there has to be confidence in yourself that the right decisions are made. Stand up and admit it, learn from it, pick up the pieces and move forward. How many times do we pass off our mistakes as something meaningless instead of taking responsibility? That’s an irresponsible reaction that I don’t want to slide into. I fucked up, I admit it.
See, that’s the thing in business. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. The best ideas don’t always equate into a successful business/project. That’s why it’s important to try not to make mistakes and if a mistake is made, figure out what went wrong and don’t make the same mistake again. If you arrive at work late everyday you think that is going unnoticed? While you’re walking in late, someone else is arriving on time, doing their job, using your weakness to their advantage. Think not? Think again…that is what the smart person is doing to move up the latter. It’s amazing the amount of people that sabotage themselves.
You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith. – Mary Manin Morrissey