A couple of months ago, I found a glass figurine of a lion that brought back memories of when I was a child. I brought the lion upstairs and put it on my desk from the enclosed case downstairs.
I noticed today the leg broke. It wasn’t broken yesterday. I have no idea how it broke.
After doing some, “Aah, damn! That’s a shame. Why did I bring it up here?”-ing, I picked it up and inspected the damage. The break was clean. Nothing some invisible glue couldn’t fix!
Then I noticed it. That bit of beige/tan on the back of the lion. It had been glued before years ago. The lion doesn’t have a tail. As soon as I noticed it, my mind snapped back to my childhood. Yeah, it used to have a tail. Definitely.
The lion has been sitting on my desk for months, not that I looked at it constantly, but I just realized the lion doesn’t have a tail.
This reminded me of how things in my life would play out. I would mention to people, “Wow, the lion doesn’t have a tail!” and they would be so focused on the broken leg, they didn’t notice the missing tail. More importantly, the focus would be on me breaking the leg they didn’t give a damn about the missing tail. Even if I said, “Sigh, I accidentally broke the tail on this lion and I noticed, all this time, it didn’t have it tail because it broke years ago” the focus would still be on “me” breaking the leg completely ignoring it was broken before I brought it upstairs, years ago.
On the flip side, I have friends that would have seen the missing tail right off the bat (if I had told them about it) and we would have had a good laugh about it.
For example, if you follow me long enough you know I was surrounded at one time by people who blindly loved Apple. When I mentioned Apple was doing something shady because their financial statements were whacked (not paying taxes), I was eaten alive because Apple could do no wrong. I saw much smaller companies paying more taxes than Apple. It took years for Apple’s tax dodging strategies to come to light. Were the people ripping me apart able to read a financial statement? Hell no. While I was sharing facts did they have any to support their position? Hell no.
Meanwhile, I had a very small group of people (I could count on my hands) that, when I told them about the whacked financial statements, they did some research and thought it was just as shady. They weren’t cool with some individuals and small businesses paying more taxes that a company making billions. We had an intellectual conversation about tax loopholes and ethics.
Another example: I’ve mentioned previously I found out I had a “secret” sibling when I heard my father talking to “someone” multiple times over a span of years. When I confronted my father, he said I didn’t hear it. When I told others, he told those people I was lying. Years later, the truth came out I do have another sibling, just as I said I did. Looking back, it was obvious what was going on, but people (who turned out to be insignificant in my life) were so busy calling me a liar that they didn’t take the time to look at the facts on how my father was acting.
Just like people were quick to say I was lying about Apple than look at the facts. Just like those same people would be more focused on me breaking the leg of the lion than the fact that it was broken before. Not only was it broken because, someone tried to repair it just like I originally thought to do, and it didn’t work. The tail fell off.
I was a liar because I stated facts that went against their fake reality.
It’s been a tough journey but I realized the anger and hatred I’ve held on to for years (that I rarely show), was like cancer killing me. Finding out my father had NPD, and how much that affected my life…there has been a lot for me to unravel. I found in my life that I might not understand why I went through things, but in the end, it makes sense.
I’ve said many times people learn their lessons in their own time. What we are seeing now, with the world tilted in WTF, is that some people research facts and while they might not like them, accept them. Others couldn’t care less about facts, especially if it breaks their happy fake reality.
COVID-19 is like the sun and moon shining a bright light on all the things that have been hiding in the shadows. At the time I’m writing this, 325K+ people have died globally from COVID-19, 93K+ of them being from the United States. States are starting to open up knowing the numbers will spike, people will die, because more focus is on fixing the economy (making the rich richer) than healing people. Do we have adequate tests here? No. People are demanding to be served, not go back to work because showing privilege is right up there with showing racism. It’s the “it” thing.
2020Tyme sees the truth, accepts the truth, speaks her truth and doesn’t worry about those running from the truth. Instead, 2020Tyme focuses on the ones that embraces the truth, even if it hurts, because the truth comes to light eventually.
2020Tyme appreciates the friends that would ask her, “All this time you didn’t realize the tail was missing?” and we have a good laugh together rather than focus on those that preferred to focus on me breaking the leg of the lion (even though I technically didn’t break it). 2020Tyme will tell those people to fuck off because it’s my damn lion and I’ll smash it with a hammer if I want to.
PastTyme would have been trying to put the leg back on the lion, beating herself up about it being broken (I still don’t know how it broke).
2020Tyme looked at the lion, saw the missing tail, laughed, wondered what else was right in front of my face that I was missing, and realized it’s time to get a new figurine if I feel like it (right now, I don’t) instead of trying to fix what is already broken.