The Connection

In the previous entry the discussion came up about having a connection with another person. A commenter said:

The connection eventually wins out Tyme. I cannot speak for the ladies but men crave the connection. When we get it we might hesitate for a while but the connection does eventually win.

Let’s talk about a “connection” for a minute. First, let’s define a connection:

  • the act or state of connecting.
  • the state of being connected.
  • association; relationship

A connection isn’t one sided. If there is a connection both people feel it.


Yeah, I said it. Connections aren’t one sided. If a man has a connection with a woman it is because…

wait. for. it…

The woman has a connection with him as well.

Which is why “the connection always wins because men crave it” statement makes no sense. If the man feels a connection with a woman he’s already in the door, she has a connection to him as well. If he opts out in acting on it, then he is essentially closing the connection and the door to the relationship. There isn’t much she can do if the guy ignores the connection.

Because it takes two to tango.

The flip happens as well where the woman might opt to not pursue things. Men aren’t always at fault, just most of the time. 🙂

My point: if a guy feels a connection to a woman most likely she feels a connection as well. If he knows when she’s upset, frustrated, happy, etc. she most likely can sense the same things in him. If he’s thinking she’s hot she’s probably thinking the same in return. If he’s desiring her like no other she’s probably desiring him as well. If he’s crying on the inside how can someone with a connection be happy? That’s what makes it a connection: being “connected” they can go through just about anything together because breaking the connection doesn’t feel right. They always find their way back to each other no matter how much pain, frustration, etc. they overcome (how else do couples get to “death do us part?”).

And that is where the problem lies with the person who opts not to act on the connection no matter what the reasoning is. The gut reaction should be to hold on to the connection not dismiss it because a connection like that might not ever come again. There is no reason not to act on the connection. True all connections/relationships don’t last forever but nothing in this life does. Treasure the good times and see where it goes. That’s the real question: is the reason why the person opts to pass on the connection more than the possibility that it all works out just fine?

What do you do if you feel a connection to a person who won’t pursue it? There isn’t anything you can do because the person isn’t ready for the relationship – otherwise the person would dive in instead of running away. As stated in the comments pushing the issue doesn’t work, it will most likely make the person retreat further. More work is put into denying it than if the two people just let things naturally run it’s course. If you’ve ever had a connection like that you’ll now what I mean. It just slides into a more intimate territory naturally just like the connection was created. That’s the beauty of those types of romantic connections – when they happen, they are strong and it’s natural just like making love to the person you love. Not acting on it doesn’t make the connection die so it is silly to deny what IS.

This goes back to my last entry: what should be versus what IS. If there is a connection then:

1) Both people feel it.
2) The connection exists. It IS there so ignoring isn’t an option because…
3) The other person knows you’re doing it and when you do that…
4) You’re hurting the person you love/connected to.

The “connection wins” isn’t a valid statement. The connection already “won” because it exists. The person with the insecurity doesn’t realize (or is afraid to believe) the other person is feeling the same thing.

“Love is supposed to start with bells ringing and go downhill from there. But it was the opposite for me. There’s an intense connection between us, and as we stayed together, the bells rang louder.” – Anonymous

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