What you believe determines how you behave

I talked about consequences, anticipating the reactions to what you do, karma and change. Those are all entries about the end result of doing something. Let’s talk about why some situations happen in the first place.

Swoozie finished a set of videos based on his experience with Sims Online. In Part 1 he explains how he got into the game and how he met a “friend”, the girl was popular, and to make a long story short, she moved in with him (in game), leaving her “husband” in a very cold manner (a Dear John letter). In Part 2 Swoozie explains how things got old as they settled into a married couple type life style and how having “fun” again in the game backfired royally. I highly recommend looking at the videos. They are awesome and Part 2 will definitely make you laugh.

With social media (Facebook, Myspace, YouTube, Twitter, etc.) it is very easy to meet new people online. Games (computer and consoles) makes it even easier. I’ve said many times the internet is like a shield for a person to act like a fool do something they wouldn’t do face to face. I keep it real – I’m the same way online and off. I don’t say anything behind a person’s back I haven’t said to them personally (unless I don’t talk to them of course) but if I do communicate I’m not going to smile in their face and stab them in the back talk about them behind their back.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of taking for granted the people we interact with online because the consequence of them reacting to it face to face isn’t there. Let’s step back a minute and talk about this.

In Swoozie’s video the lady he encountered was married to the mayor in the game. Swoozie spent a considerable amount of time with the girl before she asked to move in with him and Swoozie had no idea she was married. Where was the mayor? Why wasn’t he spending time with his “wife”? If he was handling his business in game she wouldn’t have been able to spend as much time with Swoozie as she did. When she “divorced” the mayor she had no problem writing him a Dear John letter and moving in with a guy she’d know a week or so. When Swoozie “cheated” on the girl he kept saying, “It’s just a game” but instinctively he knew what he was doing was “wrong” because he took measures to mask his actions. That said, I don’t believe if Swoozie had “real” interactions with her he would have made the same choices….and that’s the crux of this article.

It’s so easy….

Online we create friendships easily and learn a lot about people. In Facebook every day I get the opportunity to share in the lives of complete strangers. When they get new partners, break up, get married, have kids, get fired I see their updates, almost as they unfold. It is very easy to feel as if you know someone, without ever talking to them or meeting them, because you know so much about them. And because of this, people enter into partnerships, friendships, relationships, etc. with people online because, let’s be honest, the internet is a wonderful networking tool.

How often do those different type of relationships actually work out? How long before one someone starts taking the other for granted? In a relationship presenting oneself different than he/she really is? In business not doing their share of the work? In friendships not acting like a friend? The trust and mutual respect become broken and the “relationship” falls apart. You’ll no longer be Facebook friends, talk on instant messenger, email each other – it dissolves into nothingness. So easy to move on to the next person….

Lessons learned…

One thing I’d bet Swoozie learned from his Sims Online experience is the fragility of online interactions. If you watch his videos you’ll see he seems to truly appreciate his audience. He doesn’t do the glib “I love you guys!” alone…his actions back up his words. He responds to comments. He lives the life he talks about in his videos. But most important, he makes an effort to release his videos on time. He doesn’t throw a video together, you can see the editing and thought that goes into his videos. The words and the actions match. When you interact with people online, that is what you want to look for. Consistent words = actions behavior.

Ok Tyme, what’s your point girl?

People treat you with exactly how they feel, regardless of what they say. Most times there are cues that show their “real” side that we often ignore. The fact that the girl was willing to leave her “husband” for a stranger (and write him a Dear John letter) was a little “flighty”. Asking to move in points to her being clingy. Putting 200K in the tip jar and redoing Swoozie’s house showed she was too attached (playing the wife role). Swoozie was suffering from…

“What you believe determines how you behave…” ~ Swoozie 8/21/07

It is very easy to make oneself appear to be one way when he/she is really the opposite. How do you know what to believe? It is equally as easy to ignore the signs knocking you upside your head. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in how “cool” someone appears to be. Take a good look at their actions instead. Here is another example: Swoozie talks about this in this video:

Make sure you watch the first one (the lies start 4 minutes in) so you know the three lies he tells. Can you tell which one is the lie and which two are the truth? I guessed right but I don’t want to spoil it. I’ll share why my reasoning in comments. If you believe a person is cool, regardless of how the person behaves, you’ll treat the person like he/she is cool, ignoring the “bad” behavior (not that the person is getting away with anything because the bad behavior will catch up with them eventually).

Always remember…there is a consequence for every action we take. Don’t assume someone will always be there and take them for granted. Don’t always believe what you are being told. Be cautious when the actions don’t match the words.

Look at things realistically…how things are…not how you’d like them to be when you interact with strangers online.