Remove what does not resonate with you. I used to have problems with this but now, I understand why sometimes, it’s bests to move on. Let’s talk about it.
You know how you see something, but don’t really see it? For example, how many times have you gone to work, school, etc. and once you got there, you don’t really remember anything about the journey getting there? Perhaps you were on the phone, thinking about what needs to happen at work or wishing you didn’t have to go…you know what I mean? You were seeing everything but your focus was elsewhere. I had a similar experience in my house.
I walk around the house, used to seeing everything but one day, I asked myself why something was in the house? I bought something (inexpensive) years ago, thinking it was cute at the time but now, it doesn’t vibe with me. Why do I still have it? I mentally wrestled putting it in the attic vs throwing it away for a while. Eventually, I threw it away. Later on in the day, I realized, how much I like the space more because it looks less cluttered. Disposing of it made me happier.
With my eyes opened after that experience, I realized I had a bunch of stuff on my hard drive that I wanted to keep but did I need to see it every day? I have videos of games I had fun playing at the time but have no desire (right now) to edit and upload to YouTube. I backed them up and removed them from my main hard drives. You know what? When I browse my hard drives now I don’t think, “I really need to do something with these videos” because I handled it! I didn’t realize seeing those videos was dampening my positive vibe. Not only did it increase my positivity, my hard drives run more efficiently. I knocked out two birds with one stone!
Of course, the same goes with people. As you evolve, learning life lessons and gaining wisdom, you change. So do the people you encounter in life. I think we all have people in our lives that we were close to once upon a time but lost touch with over the years. The opposite is true too: allowing people to stay in your life that makes you unhappy. You know what I’m talking about. The people you aren’t enthusiastic about seeing, don’t share the same interests with anymore — these are natural changes. I used to struggle with this until I realized how self-sabotaging it was. I decided something needed to be done. You see, IMO, they haven’t done anything wrong, so I didn’t want drama. I didn’t fall out with them or give ultimatums because they have the right to be who they want to be. When I saw things weren’t working, I quietly distanced myself. I invested my time in something that I felt would benefit me. I’ve been learning a bunch of new stuff lately and I love it! This resulted in no fights, no drama, just a natural parting of the ways. No awkwardness if we cross paths, I’ve even hung out online with them once in a while only to be reminded I made the right decision. The interesting tidbit: each time (after interacting), things went back to “distanced mode” without me doing anything because it’s supposed to be that way. Some people are around for a reason, season, or a lifetime.
You know what happened? You probably spotted the pattern now, right? When I stopped trying to make situations work that weren’t meant to, new people came into my life that “clicked”. I’ve been meeting fantastic new cousins via my DNA matches, virtually hanging out with my friends more (the ones I have more in common with) and learning new things. It ended up being a positive change.
It’s okay to evolve
After finding out my father had narcissistic personality disorder, and going through the processing of healing, I still struggle with the whole, “what makes you happy?” question but I found that making small changes like the ones I mentioned helped me to be happier, understand myself, and how I’ve changed.
I used to think about big changes when it came to happiness, and would fail miserably, but 2020 made me realize how important it is to embrace how small changes add up over time. I was surprised at how much changing your living or workspace can improve your happiness. Cleaning my hard drives makes me happy because I no longer feel guilty about not feeling passionate about things as I once did. I replaced it with things I am passionate about now. When I hear something depressing in the news, I have things to improve my mood.
Try it for yourself. Do you have something you bought for yourself that no longer vibes with you? Perhaps an ex gave you something that, when you look at it, doesn’t remind you of happy times. Did you inherit a bunch of stuff that, while you love your loved ones, their style is different from yours? Your life is a canvas. You can create it however you like.
Once you start doing this, you’ll naturally start improving your life similar to how a gamer improves their character in a game. Usually, the armor and weapon pieces come over time. In games like World of Warcraft, you can transmog (change the look of) the weapons and armor you receive. For a long time, I didn’t transmog my characters. When I dipped a toe into transmogging, I realized how many looks I collected playing the game and how much I enjoyed not looking like everyone else. It was a game changer when I realized I spent more time transmogging my characters than my own life.
I started transmogging life…and started making it more beautiful.