On Twitter the other day, I said I realized where I made serious mistakes in my life, which I can see directly impeded goals that I wanted to achieve. It’s my own fault because I “knew better” but I wanted to share what my experience was…because I see many other people doing it too.
Mean What You Say. Say What You Mean
If you spend any time with children, you know they have to be taught what they can and cannot do. They have to be taught the difference between right and wrong. However, children do many things that aren’t “wrong”…the parent or guardian simply does not want the child to do it. For example, when a toddler figures out the remote control changes the TV channels most parents will tell the toddler not to touch the remote to ensure the toddler does not break it, but using the remote control is not “wrong”. See my point?
However, when the parent or guardian says, “Don’t touch the remote” the child should not touch the remote. He or she is going to and that is the learning process. The child has to respect the boundaries the parent puts in place until he/she moves out on their own.
The same thing happens in friendships, romantic relationships, and even online interactions except as adults we know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, what will make someone happy or devastate them. There are boundaries we make clear not to cross or there is a price. That price can be very high. However, just like the child will push the boundaries so will people…if you allow them to. If you say “Don’t do something” there has to be a price if the person continues to do it, otherwise you will end up a doormat.
And that’s where my problems began. I became the doormat.
Yeah, I Said Earlier You Do It Too…
Here is a relationship example (and I know how much you guys love relationship stuff). I normally don’t read AskMen.com but I knew I’d find an example of what I’m talking about. This guy (Shawn) has a girlfriend of four years (he calls the relationship “great”). He’s interested in a co-worker who has a long-term boyfriend. He thinks he’s falling in love with the co-worker. Doc Love gives this advice:
“What should you do about this whole thing? First of all, stop flirting with Shakira. Then go home and make a list of all the great things you have with Venus and start thinking about the idea of LOYALTY. If you can.