Trust is a crucial element that is necessary for happy relationships to thrive. It is also one of the main reasons why relationships may end. This is often because people bring negative baggage from previous relationships or life experiences into their new relationship. Instead of communicating openly, which requires trust, couples may play games with each other. This lack of communication and trust can ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship.
Hypothetical Situation
George and Anna have been living together for two years. Anna usually cleans their apartment, but today, George decided to try to be more helpful and strengthen the bond between them. He has been thinking about proposing.
While cleaning the closet, George accidentally found $728.00 hidden in one of Anna’s shoes. He was shocked and couldn’t believe his eyes. He immediately thought about all the times Anna had asked him for money in the past few months, like $20.00 or $50.00, and how she had asked him to pay bills for her. George wondered why he was paying for anything if she had a stash of money hidden from him. He believed that they had no secrets between them.
Feeling angry and hurt, George took the money to see if Anna would mention it. He thought, “Let’s see if she brings it up!”
Now, they are playing a game of “I Know That You Know, But I Can’t Let You Know That I Know.” Anna knows that the money is missing and that George has it, but because she hid it and took money from him, can she complain about him taking the money? Anna didn’t say anything, but she was angry. They were both angry, but they were not communicating about the issue. The underlying problem of why Anna felt the need to hide money from George was never resolved, and as a result, they eventually broke up.
Delusion vs Reality
Trust dies, but mistrust blossoms.
Sophocles
People often have unrealistic expectations for romantic relationships. Something caused Anna to ask for money from George and hide the fact that she was saving it. Was it baggage from a past relationship? Did something happen within their relationship? For some reason, George and Anna stopped being on the same page about their relationship. Were there other signs that George missed?
It is actions like these that break trust in a relationship, and sometimes the damage cannot be repaired. If Anna does not address the reasons behind her actions, she may continue to hide money in future relationships. If George does not heal from the lack of trust, he may fear being kept in the dark in future relationships.
Delusion: Anna thinking she could hide money from George without causing problems.
Reality: Anna acknowledging there was a problem and talking to George about it.
A relationship without trust is not a happy one.
