Trust is one of the core things happy relationships need to thrive. It is one of the main reasons why relationships end. Why? People bring negative baggage from previous relationships, or life experiences, into their new relationship. Instead of communicating, which requires trust, the couple plays games with each other.
George and Anna have been living together for two years. Usually, Anna cleans their apartment but today, George thought he’d be more helpful. He’s been working hard on strengthening the bond between them. He’s been thinking about proposing.
While cleaning the closet, by accident, George found money hidden in one of her shoes. He could not believe his eyes. The total amount he found: $728.00.
The first thing he thought about was how many times Anna asked him for money the past couple of months. $20.00, $50.00, “pay this bill for me will ya”? Why was he paying for anything when she has a stash? Why was she hiding money from him? He thought they had no secrets between them.
Angry and hurt, he took the money to see if she’d ask about it. He thought, “Let’s see if she brings it up!”
Now they are playing the “I Know That You Know But I Can’t Let You Know That I Know” game. She knows it’s missing. She knows he has it, but because she hid it and took money from him, can she complain about him taking the money? Anna didn’t say anything, but she was mad. They were both mad, but not communicating. The problem, why Anna felt she needed to hide money from George, was never resolved. They, eventually, broke up.
Delusion vs Reality
People have unrealistic views of romantic relationships. Something caused Anna to ask for money from George and hide that she was saving it. Was it baggage from an old relationship? Did something happen within their relationship? Somehow, George and Anna stopped being on the same path about their relationship. Were there other signs George missed?
It is actions like these that break the trust in a relationship. Sometimes, the damage cannot be repaired. If Anna does not resolve why she asked and hid money from George, in the next relationship, she’ll hide it better. If George does not heal from the lack of trust, in the next relationship, he’ll fear something being hidden from him.
Delusion: Anna thinking she could hide money from George, and it wouldn’t cause problems.
Reality: Anna realizing there was a problem and talking to George about it.
A relationship without trust is not a happy one.