Ahem…testing…testing…is this thing on? 🙂
It’s been a while, but I’m back. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Wow, I was feeling some serious first post pressure here. Thankfully, my daughter unknowingly came to the rescue when she asked me, “Mom, how do you know a guy loves you?”. My daughter asked me about love before, when she wanted to know about “real” love. This is a different question, one I’ve asked myself…foolishly I might add. Because I knew the answer, because I experienced it.
How do you know when a man loves you?
When you don’t have to ask. That is the answer. Real simple, isn’t it? When a man loves you, he shows it. This does not mean he is always buying expensive gifts because relationships should not be founded on money. In a healthy relationship, he will still have friends and interact with others, but he will not spend more time with other people than he does with you. When a man loves you, it’s all about you so there is nothing to question.
When a man loves you, he is dedicated to you
I am often asked about long distance relationships. Many dismiss them because of the distance. If you fall in love with someone that does not live in your area, and they fall in love with you as well, dismissing the relationship is not an option. The love does not go away so the couple works together to be together. Let’s look at a real example.
TotalBiscuit met his wife in 2005. I remember when he met her because I used to listen to his radio show. He lives in the UK. She lives in the US. In 2007, he moved to the US to live with her. They got married in the UK. He was on a visa-waiver program and he would fly to the US every three months to see her. They did not have much money but they were working things out. In 2008, they were supposed to meet in Blizzcon. Unfortunately, Homeland Security would not let him attend the event. They said something was wrong with his visa, saying he entered the US via Mexico (which was not true). Even though he could prove his case, he was not allowed in the US and cannot come to the US.
TotalBiscuit has seen his wife two times in two years and has not seen his kid (step-kid but it’s a package deal, ya know?) since 2008. He has been working hard to raise the money needed to get this legal nightmare straightened out. And when I say work hard, he has stressed himself out so much it made him sick. He hopes to have it straightened out by this summer.
- He didn’t give up.
- He didn’t say, “Well, there’s several thousand miles between us so…let’s end this.”
- He didn’t say, “I can’t have sex when I want it so, we’re done.”
Neither did she.
He loves his wife. He loves his kid. He wants them to be together as a family. She wants the same thing. They will work together to make it happen. Period.
That is what I call a problem with a long distance relationship but even then, if I love a man, I’ll be damned if I would let that get in the way of being with him. Neither would anyone else who is in love with the person.
When a man loves you, you know it.
If you are in a relationship, where you are wondering if a man (or woman) loves you, there is something critically wrong with the relationship. People stay in unhealthy relationships. No relationship is perfect and there will be disagreements but when couples scream, fight, argue, break up, apologize, get back together, argue, fight, break up, apologize…that’s not healthy. That is not love. Those two people have a personality clash. The couple is in a relationship that is not working.
Those two people need to let each other go. If they loved each other, they’d let each other go.
Note the difference. TotalBiscuit and his wife get along fine, but have the problem of physical location getting in the way. When couples do not have physical location issues, often disagree and fight (hurting each other each time), they have conflicting personality problems.
Just because you are in love with someone doesn’t mean you are supposed to be with that person
In a relationship, it takes two people in love for it to work long-term. More often than not, it ends up being one person trying to hold everything together and the other person is not 100% invested in the relationship or able to return the feelings. They might want to be in love but their actions shows their true feelings.
If you respect yourself and love yourself, you would not want to remain in a toxic relationship. You would not want to change yourself to make someone else happy, even if the change is a positive one. You change when you are ready, not because it will make someone else happy.
That is when people start questioning if someone loves them. They often are holding on to the “good times” and remember the person as they once were, when things were “good.” Times change and often people grow apart. That is when it is time to love the person enough to let them go.
As referenced in my original article, that is what I did. If I did not make him happy enough, if I really loved him, I would want him to be happy…even if it meant not being with me. If he was not content with me, I wanted him to find the woman that would make him happy. I hope, for his sake, he has.
In the end…
When you are in a healthy relationship with someone who loves you, you know it. You might not be rich or have everything you want. There might be problems the two of you have to conquer, but the one thing you do not have to question is that you have each other. Life is a journey and when you find your soul mate to walk the journey with you…trust me…you won’t question it.
You will know because, when a man loves you, you questioning his love for you simply is not an option.
Unfortunately, the answer is usually he is not in love with you. But then, deep down, you know that…or you would not be asking…would you?