I read an article the other day, Are Pre-Nuptial Agreements For Everyone, and my immediate thought was “YES!”. I am a strong believer in pre-nups. To me they represent two people rationally deciding what will happen to joint assets in the event the marriage does not work out. When you get car insurance are you dooming yourself to have an accident? When you purchase life insurance are you sentencing yourself to an early death? If you diversify your income are you being over-cautious?
The article discusses the positive aspects to a pre-nup agreement and how going through the process of creating a pre-nup strengthened their relationship. They are better communicators and they have no secrets. Their goals, desires and expectations are on the table.
I’ve had many conversations with many men. Some of you might have read the comments on my previous sites, heard my podcasts, streams, etc. People create miniature pre-nups all the time. For example: one common scenario is a man who is dating girl A. He meets another girl. B. He likes B better than A but he will not stop seeing A until he is sure B is a suitable replacement. Girl A has no idea B has entered the picture. B has no idea A was around in the first place.
*Women do this too – can’t let them off the hook.*
I’ve asked many guys who admittedly do this if they would have a pre-nup. They all said no. Pre-nups aren’t necessary. If you can’t trust the person you are marrying you shouldn’t marry them. Yeah yeah, blah blah.
Then…um…shouldn’t he quit using women as safety nets? If girl A isn’t enough to break up and see girl B. If girl B isn’t enough move to girl C. It’s bullshit. Using people for selfish reasons is worse than having an honest discussion (and putting it in writing) about assets.
The real deal…
People who balk at pre-nups are thinking about themselves. When you love someone you want to protect them. If you really love the person you are engaged to wouldn’t you want to make sure, in the event of a divorce, both of you are equally taken care of? That your kids are taken care of?
People who are not in a relationship for financial gain (gold diggers) have stronger relationships when they make a pre-nup. They have nothing to worry about because they know the expectations of their mate are in sync with their own, and they have no problem putting it in writing.
And if someone has a problem with putting in writing that, after you are married, income is split 50% (or whatever the terms are), take a very close look at who you are marrying.
What’s the problem? If you mean it, back it up. Put it in writing.